Merry Christmas

This was the first time in a long time that I can remember not leaving the house on Christmas day. At all. It was just the three of us and we had cozy, comfy Christmas all day long. We really had fun together and Jilliann was very excited that Santa brought her what she asked for. A week after the visit to Santa, on Christmas Eve, she told Grandma Barb that Santa was bringing her a blue truck. Oh my word, she remembered! We made a last minute purchase just in time for that to be under the tree for her Christmas morning. Never underestimate the memory of a two year old.
We both enjoyed having Papa Jason around. She was so joyful, repeating at the dinner, "Papa, Mama and Jilliann," while smiling and laughing. We got so much time together this break with him being off and totally free of work (at home) that I just fell in love with him all over again. Christmas is wonderful for so many reasons!

Norovirus in Holland

Hope College has completely shut down for a deep clean, ordered by the state of Michigan. 180 students have reported being sick with this virus which includes diarrhea, vomiting, fever, etc. Viruses are nasty things and Jilliann has one right now and I really hope to NOT get one while pregnant. Wash hands!

Thank you said by a two year old

When Jilliann says, "thank you" the words just melt my heart. She says it for the littlest things, things like putting on her shoes while she balances on my shoulder. Or after I wipe her bum, or get her cleaned up and set down from her booster seat at meal time. She is so sincere and the words come out so tender and as if she's really contemplated the situation. If I don't respond right away, she'll repeat her "thank you" until I've replied. Maybe it's because I know the social expectations that expect a "thank you" aren't yet embedded in her thinking....or are they? Maybe it's because I love doing these little things for her and it's my pleasure and I don't really need a thank you. Maybe it's because it makes her seem a little vulnerable, as she realizes she couldn't do these things herself and so I realize I'm her main caretaker and I like that. I like her.

Mood determined by the weather

So often my mood goes hand in hand with the weather. This weekend has been an 80 degree sunny mid-October treat...going to the beach, going for walks, getting ice cream....hanging on to Fall and the close memories of summer as long as we can. I'm consistently thankful and grateful for so much and live a very happy and blessed life. But, when the sun is out and I'm doing laundry on the line as late as Oct. 14th, I'm especially bursting with joy and feeling light and breezy right along with the day. (Ignoring Rachel's comment: thanks to global warming ;)). As I write this, I sympathize for my husband and others working hard inside, all through the seasons. I'm conscious of how fortunate Jilliann and I are to be able to do all these fun things in Holland and wish Jason could be with us every step of the way (he may say every step is going a little far...hee hee). I even planted a mum today, deciding the cost of it was certainly worth enjoying it if only for this week. It's orange and centered to hit you right as you walk out our front door.

13 weeks and a heartbeat

We had our first appointment today with Yolanda and got to hear the heartbeat! So, little baby is alive and well and we're very thankful for that. Jason was relieved it was only one heartbeat....I was a little sad. I'm feeling good and am getting a support belt to wear since I'm having trouble with the lifting and carrying that the job of motherhood brings. I've decided that with the naps I need during the day and how wiped out I get with this pregnancy compared to Jilliann's, that this stay-at-home mom job is much more demanding than my previous office manager job was.

I've always loved eating...

I love the smell of sauteing onions and garlic and could wear it as a perfume. Bacon makes me crazy, fresh raspberries and blueberries fill me to my gills in the summer and chocolate makes my eyes roll back in my head. My daughter, on the other hand fights me during almost every meal time. On very naughty days, she throws her food on the floor or spits it into the trash can after she gets excused. I have to come up with all sorts of incentives to get some food into her, as I myself sit there enjoying food and since being pregnant, lots of food! I love eating for two! But, on this day, you can see Jilliann was having fun at the dinner table and I was so thankful for that. This was a day I didn't have to fly in a bite via airplane because she liked her tofu and choose to eat it. Alleluia for days where you get a break, where you can be at ease and when you can see your blessings clearly and abundantly.

Mommy and Me Gymnastics Class

Jilliann had gymnastics this summer and we went three times a week for 45 minutes all month! I thought that was a lot for a toddler, but I saw her progress during her time there and was glad it lasted so long (and glad it was affordable- thank you City of Holland Rec.!). This class was fun for both of us and a couple of our friends were in it, too. The hardest part for young Jilliann was waiting her turn and listening to instructions. Great things to learn, though! She also learned how to jump from a vault, walk across an adult sized balance beam (forward, sideways and backward), do a summersault down a mat and above, she's pushing herself up on bars (with Joy's assistance). It was great to get her energy out in this way and I hope we can do things like this on a regular (seasonal) basis.

In Lake Michigan

Setting her ashes free

Dad vists!

My dad is coming today and staying the week. He really went out of his way to make this happen and we're really excited to have him here. Then, we're both leaving town about the same time on Friday morning; he's headed back to Middletown and then on to Charleston and I'm going to Wheatland (Jason will meet us there after work)! Yahoo. Wheatland is a music festival that Jason and I have made our annual ritual. It's when we celebrate our anniversary (this year marks 7 years) and this Wheatland, we get to take the girls. My mom and Fred are coming and brining the camper, making it much easier for the girls to sleep. It should be a great time. House goes on the market tomorrow. Busy, busy. :)

Children in God's eyes

As I get many loving messages of congratulations from family and friends about our pregnancy, I got one message that said this: "A baby is such a powerful reminder of God’s continual pouring out of his Goodness and Grace into our fallen world."

Wow, what a beautiful and true statement. I agree and hope to remember these words. I'm thankful I have a woman in my life who sees children in this powerful light.

Funny call

I just have to post this because I laughed so freaking hard that I wanted to share. This lady's humor and spirit remind me of my grandma with a little whiskey added....http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007/ellen-gladys-hardy-p1.php

In the Grand Rapids Press!

Here's a live audio article (click here) with pictures that features the farm we're a part of. Groundswell Farm is here in Zeeland (a nearby town) and we just happened to be working the day the paper came out to do their article. It's always fun to go out and watch Jilliann get dirty with her friends. She also helps out a lot and we always take a look at the pigs- Sweet Pea and Babette.

My life is narrated

by lovely Jilliann. "Mama showa(shower) all-done." "Mama no shoes." "Mama no nigh-nigh....Jilliann no nigh-nigh....Baby Peyton nigh-nigh." Wait, who's sleeping? Oh, yeah, we're temporarily raising a 4 month old for anyone out of the loop. Peyton is a family member's daughter who was in need of a home and she'll probably be staying with us for at least 3-4 more months. Jilliann has been both doing great and getting really jealous and clingy. I'm more tired, but mostly due to getting up in the night and running around all day while also pregnant. Yep, we're having another baby! This is very exciting and we're really happy. All this crazy news hit us about our family growing in different ways on the very same day. If Jillann could understand that to narrate it, I'm sure she would give one of her signature, "Whoa!"'s.

A true camper

Creek Fest
Jilliann has done so well camping the couple times we've been able to this summer. She entertains herself with opening and closing the tent, going in and out and pretending to sleep. She's good at knowing the fire is hot and slept well through the night. I love camping with her, as she is so calm and mellow in nature. She's content and happy to look at the squirrels and eat on a picnic table. It was such a great time as a family to be able to have idle time together and I'm hoping for more this year!
Hoffmaster State Park

Jilliann is two

This was the cupcake table at her birthday party in the park (she's very interested in the pretzels with M&Ms). Lots of friends came and it was a blast. She got some wonderful gifts and played in the grass, dancing to the ice cream truck songs. The big slide did not intimidate her and the merry-go-round was a hit with all the kids.
You can tell she's two! She no longer wants to hold my hand while going down the steps and she goes up the steps sometimes just as we adults do, with the one step at a time. She likes to play by herself sometimes and lets us know by waving and saying, "Bye, Mama. Bye, Papa." In gymnastics, she's learning some of the difficult tasks and listening to the teacher better. And, yes, she also throws those "terrible twos" tantrums! She's official. :)

U-pick etiquette

I love U-picking strawberries (and especially blueberries because you get to stand up) and we had such a nice time picking today in not-too-cold and not-too-hot weather with Jilliann being a little saint. Michigan offers a lot of u-pick opportunities. My mom and I went out and the babe loved every bit of wandering the fields, being careful to not step on the plants. It was a very enjoyable time for all, but I still feel compelled to write about U-pick etiquette because certain bad manners could bring a dark cloud upon your u-picking if you let it get to you. So, here's my U-pick etiquette. Please feel free to add to the list.
1. If it's not your empty quart carton, think twice before taking it. Just give a shout out and ask if it belongs to anyone, because it's a long walk back up to the barn to get another one.
2. Follow the rules about where to pick. The farmers know best and if you mess up their system, you mess up the system for everyone.
3. Use those little yellow flags that they give you to mark the place that you stopped at. That way, someone else won't be searching around for a good starting point. They'll know that you stopped there and so they'll start after the spot that you picked clean.
4. Please be conscious of those around you and don't yell a whole conversation about the problems with your neighbors across the whole field....go over to your friend and pick right next to them if you'd like to talk. Some people enjoy getting lost in the field, listening to the birds and that perfect pop that sounds when a ripened berry is pulled off the vine and forgetting all of those caddy problems you're yapping about!
5. Most important of all, the unwritten rule: Don't start picking "upwind" from someone else. If you see me moving up a row and you start picking further up that row, you're taking all those berries I'm planning on filling my quarts with. There's plenty to go around, just walk a few aisles down.
:) That's my post. Jason is surely laughing about what a rule follower I am....so much that I post my own rules. Yeah, it's true, J, I know. Good thing you're around to break all the rules so Jilliann gets a balanced view on the rules of life. Hee hee. Sorry, but I just had to add that in!

Water

I have a bad habit that I need to break. I often turn the faucet on before I actually use the running water while brushing my teeth. This small amount of water that goes unused surely adds up to an obscene amount day after day. This seems like an easy fix, but I have trouble remembering to break my habit. With Governor Granholm signing a bill to keep the Lake Michigan waters inside Michigan and the Grand Rapids Water Festival happening this weekend, I have ample inspiration to break my habit.

WTHS

I love having a local station to listen to. This is my alumni's radio station and usually it's mellow music that both Jilliann and I can listen to. Then, I feel cool and hip still connected to the college scene. Then, some really loud and rocking music comes on (or just annoying- sometimes our tastes certainly differ) and I feel old, trying to be cool and hip. 88.9fm

Humbling day

On Tuesday, I had a very humbling day and I'm trying to hang on to the good parts about that. I like reminders that I'm not in charge and that mistakes happen...to and because of all of us (at some point). It would be nice to be in the place where reminders are not needed, that everyday life is lived with ever present humility. I'm not there yet. Here, I was giving out advice after a mistake had been made and turns out it was my mistake and me who needed my own advice- pay attention. I'm not there yet. I was planning and scheduling an event which didn't happen. Well, it's not up to me. I'm not there yet. I will get there, though, as I continue on my journey of prayer and reading enlightening books like Ekhart Tolle's New Earth. And, in the meantime, I'll keep having humbling days.

Rain, rain, go away....come again some other day

This is surely a song that went through my CSA farmers mind's this past weekend. CSA means Community Supported Agriculture and means, in my case, a couple lovely young motivated and dedicated women started an organic farm locally and have us buy shares up front. They use our membership costs throughout the year and we reap what they reap and sow what they sow (Jilliann and I go get dirty each week and volunteer at the farm.). We are tied to them, feeling the effects of a drought like last year or a flood like this year. Even when it means less food for a weekly drop-off, I like being connected to a farm. I feel more in touch with the bigger picture of the seasons, weather, etc. on this green Earth instead of the infinitely open and abundant grocery store. I also like that my food creates virtually no packaging, as their boxes for transport are reused as are the bags I fill. And that very little gas is used to bring these things to my table and at the same time, I don't have to worry about Jilliann ingesting pesticides and I'm supporting my local community. It feels good...and tastes really fresh with food pulled out of the soil the day I get my anxious little hands on it. After joining this CSA last year, I never want to go back to being without it....yes, even with the many rutabegas that we try to eat each season. Groundswell Farm has been a great thing to have in my life as it's challenged me to think a lot about the far reaching effects of producing and eating food and to get creative in the kitchen. I've also been blessed by friendships throughout this adventure and able to connect with a lot of people in the community and connect others to the farm who are searching for something like this.
Jilliann helping harvest Kale, Summer 2007

Dad visited!

We had Dad here from Charleston, South Carolina. He was having a good time, so he extended his visit and stayed for a week which we were all happy about. Jilliann warmed up to him and really enjoyed coming down to see him in the morning. He helped us out with projects like painting the living room, which feels so great to have finished! He swept our deck, ironed my clothes, did laundry, washed dishes and took us out to dinner at Pereddies. A great house guest! Honestly, though, we enjoyed having him here to just be around him, to hear that laugh and see him love on Jilliann and to be able to sit and talk. It was such an awesome visit for all of us! Jilliann said "Grandpa" for the first time and she just couldn't stop talking about his truck. We're going to Charleston sometime this year, so we look forward to seeing him again and also visiting with Grandma Barb.

Rainy day

I love rainy days most times. They make me want to listen to Pink Floyd and wrap myself in a blanket. The air is thick with dew and smells fresh...add a little heat to that and I could be back in Belize. The timing is perfect for my plantings, as I just put tomatoes in at our community garden and grass in our pathetic yard. Plus, it's good to get this ground good and wet before our predicted 90 degree record breaking temperatures come!

She wants to hold the ducks

Our friend who lives in Detroit currently has four ducks in his back yard. He's on his 12th duck, as some have been killed by a dog for example and some have been eaten. These four girls were traded at a farm for his beloved goat who was eating up his whole garden and who was also lonely and distressed. This is a neighborhood in Ferndale within Detroit and the houses are close together and it's very much a city block. Once, when our friend was walking home from a friend's house with his goat, a policeman pulled him over and the conversation went something like this: P"Have you been drinking tonight?" S"No, sir, just walking home." P"Is that your goat?" S"Yes." Policeman:"Umm....can I pet it?" S"Yes" :) The neighbors are great with the animals being raised in the back yard and the eggs should be plentiful as soon as these girls reach a certain age. I've been inspired to raise a couple animals myself in my back yard! Have to talk to Jason about that...
Jilliann was very brave around these ducks. First, we fed them from outside the gate and as they quickly snatched food out of our hands in a very ungentle way, Jilliann wanted to get them more food and feed them over and over again. Then, the gate was pulled back and Jilliann walked right in with no hesitation toward the ducks and plopped right down beside the water bowl they were drinking from. Why? Because she wanted to hold the ducks. What? I've learned that Jilliann associates sitting down with holding things since I've taught her she needs to sit down to hold babies. It's so interesting to watch associations form. I'm happy to feel like I can read Jilliann and translate her body language. Her verbal language is growing a lot this week. My dad is here visiting and he's happy that she's said "Grandpa" and "milk" is also a new one.
Here she is holding Jacob, whom she adores.

Go Tigers

We got to go to a Tigers game this weekend and it was great fun. These huge tigers are impressive close up and I can't wait to take Jilliann on the Tigers merry-go-round when she's older. The good guys (as J would say) played a good game, but started loosing in the 8th inning and lost to the Twins. That was a bummer, but we had a great weekend in Detroit. We stayed with our friends who have ducks, went to see some Techno, went to Henry Ford Museum and had some great Lebanese.

A Sea of Synthetic Trash

This article (by Canadian Globe and Mail...be proud, Deb!) is mind boggling. It is about plastics and trash that float to one particular place in the Pacific Ocean due to winds and currents: This plastic soup, with billions of tiny shards of the synthetic material floating just below the surface of the water, is estimated to span an area 1½ times the size of the continental United States. This is beyond what I ever imagined in a very devastating way. I'm not posting this article to bring people down, but to give them encouragement. At the end of the article, there are ways we can help reduce trash. There are ways that plastic can be recycled and ways that plastic can be made out of biodegradable materials such as orange peels, etc. We as a people have the smarts to help ourselves from this becoming a bigger problem. We just need to act and be aware of it...that's why I'm posting this. It's information I want to remember as I come upon a balloon on the beach and teach Jilliann to pick it up, or reach for that Styrofoam cup, or use plastic to store my food in. Plastic has amazing capabilities in negative and positive ways. It's wild...read on and be shocked.

Rupert the cat

Our nicknames for Rupert are: Roo, Rup, Roop-a-doop, Ru Ru, Ruppa Toot toot, etc. Not Rupenator, though, that would be too cheesy. Rupert is our friend's cat that we are watching for 10 weeks this summer. He is a large cat who likes to sleep and snore. He's very sweet and we all adore him. (Don't worry, Lynn, we'll give him back.) Jilliann is into saying "Hi" and "Bye" to him each time we leave and enter the house and when she's going to bed. Even as we got into the car today at Target, Jilliann looked at me and said, "Meow." This is her asking, "Are we going to see Rup soon?" I assured her we will see Rupert soon, and she contentedly clipped her car seat buckle and cozied into her seat for the car ride home. When she can't find Rupert when she first wakes up in the morning, she asks for him with her palms turned up quizzically. I predict she'll be doing this for weeks after we return Rupert to his home. She loves getting kisses from Ru Ru and I think he likes giving them, too.

Made by Jason

Jason made this adorable craft table for Jilliann. She loves to get the chalk out and stand at a table just her height. She sometimes dots the chalk on the table, sometimes makes circles and sometimes draws lines. She likes to take any pieces of tape she's given and place it on the table. Noah also likes to draw crazy squiggles on this table and I hope it's always a favorite toy. Jason burned these works into the boarder: "It's a plan of my own invention. You may try it if you like. It matters not where my body happens to be, my mind goes on working all the same." This comes from Through the Looking Glass, a book Jason read as a child. Hopefully, this can be passed down to future children (children of our children).

Jason's 31st Birthday

On Thursday evening, I blindfolded Jason and took him to a golf course with some friends. Jason opened his eyes to a new set of golf clubs and was lead to the office to retrieve our golf carts for playing a round. The ladies joined in the fun and took a hole and escorted the boys to their balls all evening in the zippy golf carts. Yes, I say boys as many boyish jokes were said and played on one another(I won't name who did the mooning). That was a blast.
Saturday night was also really fun and Jason was again surprised by showing up to a dueling pianos bar in Grand Rapids to find a few friends waiting for us. We watched the show for a bit, played pool and then were ready to leave the many bachlorette parties behind. On to another bar that had a seven page liquor menu and the boys were in hog heaven. We had so much fun getting comfy with everyone in a large booth made of dark wood in a dark bar.
Today is the actual birthday for J and he is embarking on yet another year with me. I'm thankful he's in my life, as I'm always a better person from his amazing influence.

Hanging laundry

I love hanging laundry. It's very calming, refreshing and productive at the same time. I think people have the impression that hanging laundry is hard or an annoyance or too time consuming. To these people, I say try it. Try not arching your back over your dryer to fill it and bring your clothes and yourself up out of the basement and outside. Feel a damp shirt draped across your shoulder as you adjust the clothes pin in front of you. Listen to the birds sing and the breeze blow through. Hear the voices and sounds of your neighbors and community. Leave the dryer standing still, not charging you money and not draining energy from our precious resources. You are not standing still, though, while the dryer does your work. You are doing your work and feeling alive and active. It's easy and it's a beautiful thing....try it.

Obama

Yes we can! Yes we can! I was shouting and clapping and feeling very inspired at the Obama rally last night. He gave a great speech and brought out Jon Edwards who is endorsing him! Probably international news and we were there! Barack is a man who is fired up about making this country a better place and helping people lift themselves up out of poverty. He has plans and passion and I really hope he can be our leader. There were thousands of people there last night of all different ages and all different walks of life. The crowd was controlled and respectful and decked out in cool Obama shirts and gear. We got some buttons to sport from the vendors. I'm so glad I went and I had a blast running after his motorcade with Betsy! We got close to Barack (~30 ft. away) when he came around to shake hands after his speech. I was almost close enough to touch Jon Edward's hand...the super tall dude next to me got to.

Tulip Time in Holland

TulipTime consists of the streets full of dutch dancers in full costume, wooden shoes and all. Trolley rides go up and down all of our "Tulip Lanes" where the streets are lined with tulips and there's a $50 per Tulip fine if one is purposely harmed. There are parades throughout the 10-day long festival which brings carnival rides and food to town and lots of tourists. This small town celebration brings some 500,000 tourists to Holland and is ranked as the third largest festival in the United States. That's right...and we participate. We go to the parades and cheer our friends on, get an annual elephant ear or fat ball and take lots and lots of pictures. Thanks to those Dutch or wanna-be Dutch friends of ours lending us a toddler sized Dutch costume, we like everyone else, dress up our kid and go down to the park and attempt to take pictures of her in front of Tulips. It usually ends in a tantrum and a lot of running around and chasing and maybe one good shot. Fun times, though! You should join us sometime.

Grandma and Grandpa

When in Middletown, there are now only a few things that I want to do before I leave each trip. That list used to be a lot longer. Now, there are fewer people to catch up with and will (hopefully for my parent's sake) soon even be fewer places to rest my head, but Grandma and Grandpa's place of rest will always be there. When I visit my hometown, visiting them together will be what I want to do first.
I was home for a birth, but needed to stop at the cemetery as well, bringing everything full circle. Woodside Cemetary is a lot bigger than I remember and a lot of changes had been made, so it took me a lot of looking to find that old spot. As I finally pulled up, I immediately recognized the fir tree and saw that there was fresh dirt in front of the headstone on one side. It was just the size for ashes. I brought Jilliann along and planned on having her frolic around in the beautiful Spring filled day to show her off to my grandparents while I "talked" with them. She feel asleep, though, on the way over and I think it was better that way. I was not distracted but fully focused on putting my thoughts and attention towards (to me) the original Knepshields. The dirt had tractor marks over it, so I sat down and ran my hands through the tracks to soften the look and told grandma that they should do a better job up keeping her place and I think she would've agreed. The date of her passing wasn't written in yet and I brushed the cut grass of her headstone. It was nice to talk to Grandma and Grandpa together and tell them what's going on in my life. As I thought about them and how they would respond, I held the tombstone close to me and cried with my forehead pressed hard to the cold stone. Especially with the dirt on my hands and the tears dropping down onto the stone, it felt primal. It felt freeing and it felt good.